A narcissist in a relationship with another narcissist would be like the battle of the ages – something that will stay in memory and leave its mark for a very long time.
Though this is the first impression we draw from such a powerful union of equals, it need not always be bad or a disaster. What draws a narcissist to another narcissist is the power and control they seem to have over people and situations. This can also lead to the formation of a “power couple” dynamic.
People with narcissistic personalities are known to crave attention, admiration, and validation. When two narcissists can manage to give each other the same things that they want from the other, the relationship can turn out to be successful. However, there is no assurance that this will always be the case.
A narcissist is known to base their self-esteem on external factors. When their narcissistic partner is capable of meeting their requirements, there is no reason why they cannot form a successful relationship. However, when you manage your self-esteem from external sources, you will not be true to yourself, nor can you call the relationship a strong and healthy one. At best, the relationship between narcissists can be shallow and superficial.
This article takes a look at the consequences when a narcissist meets his match. Like any relationship, this can go either way. But contrary to our first impression, they can make it work as well.
5 Things That Happen When a narcissist meets his match
1. They are similar
Even after knowing about the controlling and manipulative behavior of narcissists, normal people are still drawn to them. The reason for this phenomenon cannot be explained in a line or two. There are so many factors at play here.
On the other hand, when you analyze the reason for the attraction a narcissist feels toward others, it is much simpler. They are in search of a constant narcissistic supply – that is, they need others they can control and manipulate.
However, for some narcissists, this is not entirely true. Even as they want continuous narcissistic supply, they also want to have trophies to boost their ego. This is also part of being a narcissist. And, this is how a narcissist is attracted to another.
Even when their focus is on themselves, they would like to take advantage of the privileged position of another narcissist. They are ready to bask in the glory of another narcissist. For this advantage, a narcissist might be willing to make some compromises as well.
Narcissists are always known to follow the rules and values of society blindly. They can never have enough money, power, appearance, and clout. A narcissist might feel that teaming up with another narcissist can help in boosting their value and standing in society.
However, narcissists tend to team up with other narcissists of similar tastes, interests, and lifestyles. Narcissist couples will feel that they can use the clout of the other to raise their value. This common goal will keep them together, even if they find it hard to get along with each other.
In the early days, they will realize what they have gotten themselves into. When a narcissist met his match, he will choose what is advantageous to him. After weighing the pros and cons, if both feel the union is useful for their public image, they will settle for a shallow and often dysfunctional relationship.
2. They help each other
This is usually unheard of in a narcissistic relationship. All a manipulative narcissist wants is to feed off their narcissistic supply. Nothing more, nothing less.
However, when a narcissist meets his match, he may not want to continue but finds the opportunity too lucrative to let it go. When a narcissist is in a relationship with a normal person, all they do is control and manipulate them. However, when the partner is another narcissist, the story is different. They refrain from narcissistic abuse at least partially.
They understand that they cannot control them the way they have controlled a normal person. But the narcissistic partner is offering a big boost to the ego and image. Compromise is not typically a word in the dictionary of a manipulative narcissist. But they embrace it for their greater good.
Over time, narcissistic couples learn to settle down into an arrangement in which they will help each other when they can and not interfere in the affairs of the other as long as they are left alone. In fact, this is a win-win situation for both, though it needs some adjustment on the part of both.
3. They chase each other
This may sound strange, but it’s true. Typically, it is the narcissist who chases their victim and keeps them in control in their vice grip. When narcissists date each other, you will see both of them chasing each other and trying to establish dominance over the other.
Narcissist couples form their relationship when both understand the importance of the other and the advantages of the union. For a manipulative narcissist, being chased is an odd feeling. Because they are always the ones chasing.
When narcissist couples chase each other, there is no assurance of them ending up in a relationship with each other. Only when both realize how useful the other can be in their lives, they will be willing to tone down their approach. Once they learn more about each other and see the advantage of the relationship, they will settle down at a manageable pace. When they have a long-term relationship, the boundaries will be clear from the beginning.
4. They avoid confrontation
Narcissists are well-known to avoid confrontation at all costs because they hate it when their wrongs are pointed out and they are made to feel unloved. As in an all-narcissistic relationship since both have this tendency, they will try their best not to fight with each other.
To an outsider, this may seem like a match made in heaven. Because they don’t fight like normal couples or even like a narcissist-normal person relationship. However, their effort at avoiding confrontation comes at a cost. They may feel that they are in a weaker position in the relationship and unable to control their partner. They may continue to stick on if the advantage outweighs the disadvantages.
Sometimes, one narcissistic partner may try to take the upper hand in the relationship. This can upset the balance of the relationship and may end in disaster for both. There can be problems when two narcissists marry.
5. They tone down the narcissistic abuse
This may be unheard of in a typical narcissistic relationship. This is the source of the narcissistic supply that feeds the basic needs of a manipulative narcissist. However, when a narcissist meets his match, he is left with no choice but to go slow on narcissistic abuse.
The narcissist would be well aware of the advantage they are getting from the association with another narcissist. They also know that to continue enjoying this privilege, they need to make compromises. Though compromises are alien to narcissists, they learn them to make the relationship work.
Typically a narcissist derives narcissistic supply from abusing their partner and feeds from it to boost their ego and superiority complex. With a narcissistic partner, they are already getting enough fuel for their ego boost. They feel they can manage with less narcissistic abuse and still keep their core self intact.
Final thoughts on when a narcissist meets his match
When a narcissist meets his match, he may be able to reach a workable arrangement with their narcissistic partner to keep the relationship going. However, they may have to modify their behavior to accommodate the needs of their narcissistic partner. This may not be easy to manage in the beginning, but they may pull it off if they see the union as advantageous to themselves.
With a narcissistic partner, the narcissist may get many things they cannot expect from a normal partner. But they may lose out on some of their basic requirements as well.
After all, you cannot have the cake and eat it too! A narcissist should know this better than anyone else.
Related:How to make a narcissist obsessed with you?
When two narcissists come together, you might think it's a recipe for a toxic disaster. In reality, it's better for two narcissists to form a bond than an emotionally healthy person and a narcissist. You can't change a narcissist, and two of them together can feed off each other and accomplish their goals.What happens when a narcissist knows you figured them out? ›
When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right. They will say things you didn't utter and misinterpret all your intentions.How does a narcissist react when they can't control you? ›
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.What a narcissist does at the beginning of a relationship? ›
One of the most common early indicators of narcissism is what's known as the love-bombing phase. At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist will often come on very strong, put you on a pedestal, and make you feel incredibly special.Can a narcissist feel love for another person? ›
It may sound harsh, but many of the features of NPD are antithetical to love. Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional.Do narcissists gravitate to other narcissists? ›
Previous research hinted that such a relationship might exist, but this study provides the most compelling evidence yet that narcissists do indeed flock together. “We confirmed our hypothesis of assortative mating for narcissism which is consistent with previous findings,” state the researchers.What words not to say to a narcissist? ›
- Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
- Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
- Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
- Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
- Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
- Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."
Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people's shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—there to serve their needs.What is a narcissistic collapse? ›
Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.Can 2 narcissists be friends? ›
The findings suggest, as the authors conclude, that “Similar narcissistic friends might help each other to achieve such a rapport by respecting the same life strategy, avoiding conflicts, sharing the same mating behavior and preferences for competition, and displaying the same non-caring attitudes” (p. 378).
Nonetheless, there's also another possibility, and that is for two narcissists to become a narcissist couple. We can't say exactly why this happens. As we'll show you in the next section, research even shows that two narcissists tend to be in a relationship perhaps even more than with non-narcissistic people.How do narcissists communicate with each other? ›
A narcissist communicator allows little or no space for others. They dominate and hoard conversation time by focusing primarily on what they want to talk about (holding court), while paying little or no interest to other people's thoughts, feelings, and priorities.Do narcissists clash with each other? ›
Although even narcissists are put off by negative self-centered qualities, research shows they are more tolerant of each other.